MAX’S MESSAGE FROM AFAR.

 

Every so often, once in a while, whenever I can be bothered, I will send you the intimate details of my cricketing endeavours that I experience on my travels in the wildest bush lands of Norfolk.

 

In this first of many (?!) broadcast’s I will give you (almost) every detail of the games that I have played in. This is being done purely because of the weight of fan mail that I have received requesting such a service. I will here give a special mention to my biggest fan, a young lad called Fraz from Huncote, Leicester. Every day I receive a letter from this young cricketing hopeful asking how I am getting on, and I will use this feature as a way of filling him in with all the details, although I sometimes get a little confused with him as he is constantly telling me how much he hates me. I can however reassure him now that the feeling is mutual.

 

These “messages from afar” will also include some details of my off-field antics, which will no doubt entertain and amuse you all.

 

Tuesday 19^th June 2001.

Burston CC vs Garboldisham CC.

Norfolk Mid-week League.

Burston CC:

 

Batting         Name                                    How out                   Runs        Balls faced

Pos.                                                                                                         approx.

1              M.Swords                                LBW         Barnes     18            14

 

Result: Burston win by 14 runs.

Notes and remarks:              Feeling good then got a shooter trapped in front. Good win against club that I will be playing for on Saturdays.

Tea Rating: No tea as it was an evening game.

 

Saturday 23^rd June 2001.

Garboldisham CC 1^st vs North Runcton CC 1^st.

Norwich Union Norfolk Alliance.

Garboldisham CC:

 

5              M.Swords                                Did Not Bat              -               -              

 

Result: Winning Draw

Notes and remarks: Team make 269 for 2 therefore services not required. Realise that I am playing with an Aussie (made 85 not out) and a bloke being paid £50 a game (made 124 not out). Dawns on me that I will no longer be the star of the team as I was used to being at Huncote, so will therefore have to take a back seat for a while.

Tea Rating: At home so very nice although was unusual not to see Struth’s melons.

 

Sunday 24^th June 2001.

Burston CC vs Diss CC.

Friendly.

Burston CC:

 

1              M.Swords                                Ct Wkeeper     ?       26            35

 

Result: Win

Notes and remarks:              Very hot and got out to an extremely bad shot, but got 2 catches. Not looking forward to tomorrow as I start work in a factory packing and unpacking boxes, therefore missing the tour and killing my brain cells.

Tea Rating: Stale bread and unimaginative fillings. Need to see Struth’s melons.

 

Wednesday 27^th June 2001.

Garboldisham CC vs Cockenhatch CC.

Touring match.

Garboldisham CC:

 

3              M.Swords                                LBW              ?         2              2

 

Result: Win

Notes and remarks:              Quit the worst job in the world ever after just one day on Monday so drove down to join the Northamptonshire tour for two days. Didn’t play Tuesday, and didn’t really play today. Bowled one over that went for 14. Fielded well mind you.

Tea Rating: Pleasant, although not quite to the high standards of Struth. Getting desperate for melons. Anyone’s will do.

 

Saturday 30^th June 2001.

Garboldisham CC 1^st vs Topcroft CC 1^st.

Norwich Union Norfolk Alliance.

Garboldisham CC:

 

6              M.Swords                                Ct and Bowled  ?     4              10

 

Result: Lose

Notes and remarks:              Played against top of the league and performed very badly. BBQ after the game at their place, and then also one back at our ground. A satisfactory end to an otherwise appalling days work.

Tea Rating: A bowl of Twiglets was a pleasant surprise, although I couldn’t eat them as they reminded me of Twigger. Will now settle for Kirsty’s melons.

 

Sunday 1^st July 2001.

Garboldisham CC vs East Harling CC.

Sunday Friendly League.

Garboldisham:

 

2              M.Swords                                Ct Gully      ?            25            40

 

Result: Lose

Notes and remarks:              Team bowled out for 76, top scored with 25 after putting on 50 with other opener. Played in the same team as my brother for the first time and he proceeded to get bowled 1^st ball and have his bowling figures read: 0.1 overs, no maidens, and no wicket for 4 runs. Good to see he’s taking after me at such a young age. I did however take 3 amazing diving 2^nd slip catches in the style of Graham Thorpe.

Could have done with the game lasting past 6pm as we had relatives round and I was planning on missing their visit. As we finished at around 10 to 6, had to go home and endure their company for the rest of the evening.

Tea Rating: Liz? Can I see your melons?

 

Conclusion.

As you can see, the time that I have been away from Huncote has been moderately successful on the cricket field. However, off the field I have had quite a torrid time. A day’s work in a box factory destroyed my will to live for a short while, but after I quit, I was free to join the tour to Northampton, which revived my zest for life.  I have now secured a job as a delivery driver for my dad’s company and I can now start to earn some real cash which I can then spend…clearing my overdraft.

 

I am now beginning to feel deprived in the tea stakes, as my consumption has dipped below the extraordinarily high average that was witnessed while in the company of the Sumner/Crossley collective.

 

I will take this opportunity to say a few things in closing. 2^nd team, remember to field “like tigers”. Fraz, “I hate you”. Philly boys, keep checking out those hot chicks. Twigger and PK, lose some weight. Struth, get your melons out (I’m talking about food you filthy animals, except in Liz’s’ case)