Viv started the learning process slowly, just bowling at around 20 mph (about the speed that TK bowls) to his young son, but within days the young prodigy was despatching the deliveries to all areas of the families 23-acre garden which was maintained and kept in pristine condition by a team of groundsmen, Silk Chez La Cross the famous French hotelier and his crazy sidekick, Al Bobby Sumner Dazzler the German window cleaner. Carl Spenno supervised them, and the team employed one slave, a young boy they found in the bush who was bought up by a twig that had fallen from a tree. As a result of this, the young boy developed all the characteristics of a twig. Under the guidance of the groundsmen he began to transform into a normal boy but to this day retains some of his twig-like tendencies (although he is now incredibly fat) hence his name Twigger. Incidentally, the groundsmen team hold the official world record for most cups of tea drunk in one hour, 240 cups.

As his son improved, as did the pace that his father was bowling at him. By the time he was 10 days old he was facing deliveries of up to and including 95 mph (about the speed that popular actress and part-time fast bowler Minnie Driver bowls) These too were being deposited into the fields opposite the mansion and were returned by the workforce of Polish slave labourers owned by the family and led in the fields by Polish dictator and cricketing all-rounder James Brewski.

The practice continued non-stop for the next 12 years only being interrupted by brief periods of sleep and the eating of food (kindly prepared and served by Struth Ruth the Australian born hairdresser and caterer to the stars) and the drinking of tea (kindly supplied by a girl known only as "Andrea", Struths' young slave girl)

Now Viv felt that Matthew was ready to make the step up into "proper" cricket, and in the summer of 1999 he told him to pack his bags and enter the real world. Matthew ventured nervously down to the sporting mecca that is Huncote Sports and Social Club. Upon his arrival he was met by the tall, willowy figure of legendary South African fast bowler, Geoff Farmboy. After a brief meeting between the two, the Farmboy went off to consult the silver grey fox, better known as Splinter from the Turtles, or Stan to his friends, and his sidekick and Chris Moyles look-a-like Dewsy. Stan and Dewsy agreed to let the young superstar play for the 2nd eleven for the first half of the season, although since he has progressed into the 1st team with limited success.

Matthew was pleased to discover that most of the people already mentioned in this elaborate story were members and players of the cricket club, which helped him ease into the set-up. He was even more excited when he found himself playing in the same team as superstar DJ and part-time karaoke singer, Monty "in like tigers" Hubbard and world Ninja champion Kay Nibber. These two inclusions meant he was able to large it every weekend whilst the DJ spun his wheels of steel, and also hone his already impressive ninja skills under the tutelage of Kay Nibber. He was also able to keep playing his other two favourite sports, rounders and shooting both having excellent facilities at the club.

Matthews wage demands could have been an early stumbling block in procedures but this hurdle was overcome with the intervention of multi-billionaire shower salesman, Jay Kythers Smythers who agreed to pay him whatever he wanted. As Matthew had lived in Huncote all of his life it was decided by the club that he should move into the hustle and bustle of Loughborough town. Here he found a student slum that was being inhabited by fellow cricketer and KPMG tea and coffee maker Pee Kay. From here he travelled down every weekend to Huncote with the fat lad in a blue skip with no back window and a broken steering wheel, no radio and a dodgy accelerator.

Over the weekend he was able to live in comparative luxury in one of Silk Chez la Cross' many hotels in the village of Croft or alternatively in Struth Ruth's B&B. Other members of the cricket club often also used both of these accommodations whenever they had larged it too much at the weekend at Monty Hubbard's school discos.

The people of Huncote cricket club could never quite manage to pronounce Matthew's name correctly and as a result he ended up being known as Max. Every time he was called this name it infuriated and enraged him deep to the core and gradually the wrath built up inside him to such a point that after one Sunday game in June of 2001 he was called it once too often. Combined with the fact that his legendary spin bowling was being hammered into the surrounding fields in this game, he stormed off in a rage never to be seen again - until probably next winter when nets start again.

-Just a note about Fraz who you may remember was locked away in a cupboard at the age of 4 days. Well when Liz secretly released him from his prison he was often to be seen following his brother around to cricket matches muttering the words "I hate you Matthew", probably as a result of the rage concerning the favouritism his brother received from his father Viv. Matthew and everyone else just ignored him. Occasionally Pee Kay was sent to go and break his legs in a friendly game of football to try to keep him quiet, which often ended in tears but also much hilarity.