Swords To Retire After 2004 Darting failure??

Distraught Swords dares to declares he is done doing darts.

Following Friday nights Huncote Annual Darts Championship, former champion and pioneer of the game of darts, Max "Kingfisher" Swords has announced he is contemplating giving up the game that depends so much on him.

The Kingfisher was dumped out of the tournament in the preliminary stages this year by up and coming youngster Frazzle "The Donk" Hubbard and is calling a press conference for this Friday where he is expected to announce his retirement from the game.

Swords' illustrious beginnings in the game saw him storm the inaugural Huncote Darts Championship and he went on to star in exhibition tournaments around the country, raising money for charity and his own bank account and other celebrity events. His specialist trick shot of scoring 26 at will drew crowds from as far away as Sapcote and Thetford. He spent a brief period in the jungle for I'm a Celebrity, but was asked to leave after he spent 14 hours staring at Kerry Kantona's boobies.

His profile in the game meant 15 TV appearances at this years PDC World Championships at Purfleet, on request of Sky TV, and celebrity status at his beloved Ipswich Town Football Club where he regularly pays money to watch them lose.

Other darts stars have come out today to try to convince Swords to reconsider his decision. Serial finalist Tim "The Mole Man" Kirby today said: "The game of darts will suffer if Swords isnt here. I may give up myself." Betty "The Floor" Driver, who could not compete in this years tournament due to old age said: "I am too upset to speak, and a little bit too tired. I am going for a snooze." Eventual champion Ian "Silky" Crossley said: "The game of darts will probably cease all over the world if Swords gives up. It will be like the death of a national and international icon like Thora Hird for example." Pete "The Killer" Kirby had this to say on the matter: "Hi there. I used to practice against Matty and he used to beat me up a lot, both on the board and in the facial region. He taught me all I know." Pete was knocked out in the second round this year. David "The Killer" Kirby said: "Swords has a career outside of darts that's the main thing. His catching ability is so good he could probably join the circus as their expert catcher of things. He is also a cracking batter and runner and boxer. The lad has real potential." Anna Kournikova, a big darts fan and the current Russian womens champion said: "I will have to look for a new doubles partner both on the board and in the bedroom if you know what I mean." I don't. Rik Waller had this to say: "Where is my pie? Has someone moved my pie? I need to eat my pie, I haven't eaten for 10 seconds, I am wasting away here. Will somebody bring me a bloody pie!!!"

In the long run the retirement of such a dominant darting force will mean that the emerging youth players will get a chance to forge their way to world fame and fortune in much the same way as The Kingfisher did and other average players like the Kirbys, the Horstcrafts, the Scrimshires and McEntee will also get a shot at the glory that has long been in the grasp of Swords.

All that said, the game may never be played again if there is no prospect of Max Swords hobbling along the oche and missing doubles for ages ever again.

This is Dom Inator reporting for Darts Daily live from Las Vegas.....signing off.

Thanks for listening and look out for coverage of the press conference on Friday.

See you then.

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